


You Make My Whole World Feel Right

by destiphan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5908783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destiphan/pseuds/destiphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was done. Finally, the brutal life of saving the world had let him and his partners go. He could do anything, but he didn't know where to start. It began with him meeting a British bartender in a pub somewhere in Kansas, who told Dean of her life in Manchester at an early age and how alive the city was. The eldest Winchester than decided, that Europe and Manchester sounded good enough so away he went.<br/>Castiel was confused, he was finally able to live a full life, but he didn't know what that even was. Who better to go on an adventure with than Dean Winchester? </p><p>The story begins with them having been settled in Europe for a while, enjoying a happy life that is too good to be true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Morning, Manchester

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is a story I've been brewing in my head for a while and I finally worked out how to put the words on paper. If you enjoy any aspect of the story, please tell me. I'm a big fan of constructive criticism. Sorry about any errors in spelling or grammar, I'm great at correction other people's writing but not my own. Thank you for taking the time to click on my fanfic, I have more on my page that you might enjoy.  
> xxx

_**Trees and Your Smile:** _

“Dean, may we also put up lights for Christmas?” Castiel’s voice was excited and soft as he looked out the window of the Impala at houses decorated with white lights. He tuned his gaze to Dean and his baby blue eyes where lit up with a child-like curiosity that was uncharacteristic for the not-really-but-kind-of angel.

Dean groaned and cranked down the AC/DC that blasted through the car. “Look man, you already have me shopping at Pottery Barn for throw pillows and mugs. I think I’m all girl-ed out for the day,” Dean spoke with a tired voice that was lined with minor frustration, but Castiel pressed on.

“We need pillows, Dean. What’s the problem with lights?”

“There’s nothing wrong with them, they’re just…I don’t know. Not really usual for two guys living in an apartment.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t know that you wouldn’t like them. I’m not accustomed to Christmas traditions and rules. Forgive me,” Castiel frowned. His face drooped as he stared at his hands in silence, awaiting Dean’s response patiently. When Dean didn’t say anything for a while, Castiel raised his head to look at Dean with a sad, disappointed smile.

With other people Dean wouldn’t have given in, but Cas had mastered Sam’s pouty face. Dean met Cas’ eyes and sighed. “Dammit, Cas,” Dean said swerving the car in a U turn towards the strip mall the two boys had left from minutes ago.

“What are you doing, Dean,” Cas asked with honest confusion.

“I’m taking you to get some damn Christmas lights. But that’s all we’re leaving with, got it.” Dean shot Cas a smirk and Castiel returned the gesture with a grin that filled up half his face.

Castiel stared out into the winter night, through foggy windows, and smiled, unaware that behind him Dean had one road and one eye fondly on the angel.

* * *

The boys walked out of a small holiday store with a huge collection of multi-colored lights in hand. Dean wanted to go for a few strings of white lights but the angel had convinced him to get a huge collection of lights, ranging in color and size. Some were rainbow, some red and green, and there where even a few white ones, but Dean’s favourites where the huge blue ones that Cas had shown to him with a big smile.

They had barely made it out without everything else the shop had to offer, until Cas let out an small excited gasp and walked to the side of the parking lot.

Dean turned his head to see a group of gorgeous pine trees, dusted with snow that fell lightly overhead.

He ran to catch up the Castiel, and put a hand on the angel’s soldier.

“Cas, there is no way in hell we can fit one of those in our apartment. Let alone afford one, those are some class A trees.”

“But we can look at them. Right, Dean?”

Dean sighed and smile, “Okay, yeah we can take a look.”

Castiel smiled and lead Dean over to look at the trees.

The fallen angel stopped to look at every pine, each with an equal amount of concentration and admiration. He ran his hand along the branches and breathed in the Christmas smell with a smile. Castiel slowly moved down the line of trees, catching strange glances from other shoppers. Dean stood patiently by him, smiling like a teenager in a chick flick at the occasional comment Cas would make under his breath. The amount of love the angel had for small, human things never secede to amaze Dean.

Not that he would let anyone know that.

“Hey buddy, I hate to interrupt, but we really have to get going. The store’s going to close soon and I kind of wanted to eat some of the leftover pie we have in the…,” Dean was cut off with a wide eyed smile from Cas.

The angels eyes were big a saucers and his smile barely fit his face. “Dean. I found a tree we can put in our house,”

Cas’ voice was adorably excited and Dean couldn’t help but chuckle at the grown man practically jumping up and down for Christmas. Cas pointed to a tree behind the sandy haired boy and Dean turned around to see.

The tree was comically pathetic.

It was much shorter than either of the men and it’s branches were bent in some odd angels. It looked like the tree from Charlie Brown and Dean laughed a bit.

He turned around to joke about it with Cas but the angel’s face made Dean’s gaze soften and his stomach do little flip flops.

“Do you like it, I think it would work,” Castiel spoke with a soft voice and his eyes where focused eagerly on the tree.

“Well, um, it has…character. I think it would fit in nice with the rest of our apartment. So sure, I guess,” Dean spoke carefully, not wanting to laugh and hurt the angel’s feelings.

“So it’s settled, this is our tree.” Cas grinned.

“Yeah,” Dean said awkwardly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

 _Our_ tree.

 

**_I Was Falling:_**

Castiel jolted up in bed, covered in a cold sweat sometime late at night and early in the morning. 

His legs were tucked to his chest and his breathing was rapid and choppy. Tiny goose bumps ran up and down his arms, and an icy chill shot through his spine, making its way up his hairline and to his tailbone, over and over again. 

_He was falling._

Again and again everything inside him lurched up and down; he began to panic as he leapt out of bed. His feet hit the hardwood with a loud bang and a pain trickled up his left heel. Castiel ripped his hands though his hair, not stopping when he saw a few pieces of raven hair on his palm and felt a deep ache in his scalp. 

_He could feel the air on his face and his limbs flailing miserably in the night air as his body fell trough space and time. As distant memory of Earth coming closer and heaven fading away as he flew farther down to the ground._

_He was sure now he was falling._

His voice caught in his throat and he clawed at his face and neck, desperate for a feeling.

Something to tell him his feet were on the ground and he wasn’t back in the empty air,  falling forever. A small groan escaped his lips and he heard himself hit the floor with a thud. The lonely feeling he once felt came back. 

Over and over again he whispered to himself that no longer was he the fallen angel who broke the world; he was the brave human who fixed it. He was the human who loved the smell of fresh pancakes and the sound of rain at night. He was the human who lived with Dean, and watched movies about cowboys while the sandy haired boy next to him on the couch laughed. 

He curled up into a ball in the space between his bed and desk as old, horrible memories of heaven and hell mixed with new, beautiful ones of friends and smiles. 

He almost didn’t notice Dean running into the room and slamming open the door, running over to Cas and kneeling down.

But he noticed Dean’s rough hand on his cheek flick away a multitude of hot tears. He noticed the way the boy’s green eyes dulled when he saw the blood on Cas’ lips from the angel’s own nails. 

Dean pulled Cas into his arms and ran a soft hand through the matted, bloody hair. “Castiel, what happened,” Dean whispered softly, as though if his voice was too loud or breath to harsh, Cas would crumble and blow away. 

“I was falling, Dean. It was fast and loud and sudden and I don’t….I don’t want to- I don’t want to go back. I don’t, Dean,” Castiel chocked out his words loudly and tears dripped into his mouth. 

“I won’t let them take you, Cas. Your safe here, I’ve got you.” Dean tucked Cas’ head into his shoulder, letting the hot tears soak his shirt. 

“I can’t do it, Dean,” Cas wailed, his words muffled by Dean’s shirt. 

Dean rose Cas’ head gently and stared into the angels’ baby blue eyes. 

“You can do it. And if you can’t, if you fall down, I will be there. I have you. Everything’s going to be okay now,” Dean said as he wiped a few tears off of Castiel’s jaw. 

Castiel wailed again, this time Dean was there to calm the storm brewing in the angel’s head.


	2. You Matter to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was the connection that Dean felt to Cas when he saw the angel at his worse. Or maybe the love was always there, hidden for the boys to find over time. Neither of them are ready for a romantic thing, but for now, for Dean, holding Castiel is good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is actually very cute and for the first time I'm actually quite proud of what I wrote. Enjoy, thank you for coming back to read Chapter 2. Sorry for any typos, things happen, you know?

**_For Today, Let Me Hold You:_ **

The way the dried blood clumped Castiel's hair made Dean sick. He ran his fingers gently through the mats and examined the small tears with careful hands. Looking at the holes and red bruises, some would probably leave scars.

Most people would have wondered how Castiel was able to hurt himself like this, they would ask how someone could be damaged that much from a dream. But Dean knew. He had lived with the angel for years, and had seen how much he was really broken. Maybe that's what made Castiel incredible, how he was able to be shunned, tortured, beaten, and abused but he still managed to smile at little things like how cowboys in Western movies pronounced words or how Starbucks put tiny green straws in his coffee to keep it from spilling.

It was then when Dean realized how bad of a condition Cas was. Blood had dripped from his scalp and pooled at the rim of his shirt. He was feverish and covered in sweats. The worst thing for Dean to see was the tear lines on his cheeks. He reached up and rubbed them away with his thumb. Carefully, Dean sat up the sleeping angel and peeled of his dirty shirt. He sucked in his breath, a huge purple bruise ran up his back and there were bloody claw marks on his shoulder blades. It took him a minute to realize that he had been reaching for his wings, that were no longer there. It was horrible, the way Castiel looked. Dean wished he would have got there sooner, maybe to prevent some of the damage.

"Cas. What are we going to do with you," Dean whispered as he carefully ran his hands over Cas' back. It worried Dean beyond belief, that this wasn't the first he would see of Cas' nightmares. And he felt a horrible guilt rush through him when he realized, this wasn't the first. And most likely, not the worst.

Castiel suddenly shifted around and Dean noticed how uncomfortable the position they were in was, Dean was sitting with his legs tucked under him, while having Cas lean against him. He might have also, platonicly of course, wrapped his arms tightly around the angel. This wasn't a very "friend like" position, last time he held someone like this he got laid. Cas however didn't seem to mind at all. The blue eyes man tucked his head under Dean's chin and nuzzled into his embrace. Dean had no clue how to respond to this, he sat there as still as a statue, slightly alarmed at how good this felt.

"Good morning, Dean," Cas spoke softly. He started to shake a little, no doubt from pain.

"Mornin' Cas. You look like hell, man. Are you at all okay," Dean's voice was shaky from sleep deprivation and worry.

"I'll be okay. And how are you, Dean," Cas asked sincerely.

"Worried 'bout you, Cas. That was really awful, what happened. I was scared, you know. Scared for you," Dean confessed. He subconsciously pulled the angel tighter to his chest. The angel sucked in a huge breath, then let it out slowly to settle himself. A tense silence fell over the bedroom.

After a while Castiel spoke with great sadness, "I was scared too, Dean. I have caused much pain, on heaven and Earth alike. I'm sorry, really, to pull you into this. I apologize."

Dean shook his head and pursed his lips. "Just for one freaking minute, Castiel, can you admit you matter. To me, and to Sam and to other people. You've caused some pain, and I have too. But you've caused a hell of a lot of happiness too. I could never have moved to Manchester if it weren't for you. I care about you, Cas. I do." 

Cas looked up at Dean with his eyes misty. All the light in his baby blues was gone, replaced with self loathing and sadness, it made Dean's blood run cold. He hated it.

"Dean. I very much like you. Thank you for everything," Castiel sighed.

"Woah Cas, this sounds too much like a goodbye," Dean blurted with worry. His eyes widened.

"No, Dean. Just a thank you, people are allowed to say thank you," Cas finished.

"Okay, okay. Well, I...uh...I like you too, Cas," Dean breathed out. He smiled genuinely, which was rare. Castiel tucked his head back under Dean's chin and snuggled up to his chest, and Dean held him close. Protecting the angel, if not from some ass-hat angel or demon then maybe just the cruel memories of them. 

Cas let out a relived exhale and a little, quite adorable yawn, Dean pretended he didn't want to stay like this all damn day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, follow my page, and all that good jazz. A new piece should be coming up soon...if all goes well. Thank you so much for reading

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading, come back for more if you liked my writing...


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